Lisa Ricard Claro – Author

Romance is good for your heart!

6 True Confessions of a Junk Food Junkie

Posted on Mar 21, 2018 by Lisa Ricard Claro   12 Comments | Posted in The Naked Truth

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Upon review of last week’s blog post here at Writing in the Buff, it became apparent that my relationship with snack foods might be a teensy bit too passionate. In fact, I’ll even go so far as to admit that I have a willpower problem where food is concerned. Simply put, I’m an eater.

Yes, buttercup, I love to eat. When we go to breakfast I try to stick to the healthy stuff like oatmeal with a side of fruit, but that’s tough to order when every cell in my body screams for scrambled eggs, bacon, hash browns, toast, and a couple of blueberry pancakes buried in butter with a dollop of syrup on the side. Who knew that at my age one of my biggest life challenges would be having enough discipline to order a healthy breakfast? And then there is the actual topic of this post: junk food.

I’m not a junk food junkie in the sense of fast food noshing. I can’t even remember the last time I stepped into a McDonald’s or Arby’s. My junk food preferences fall squarely into the salty/sweet category: potato chips, chocolate, ice cream, mozzarella sticks, chips & salsa, cheese puffs, etc. If it looks like something that might show up on the food table at a teenager’s birthday party, I probably like it.

Keeping the bad stuff out of my cupboards helps a bit. Open my pantry and you’ll see canned goods. There are no chips, no cookies, no Little Debbie boxes full of yummy goodness. The only treats in my house are the dogs’ Beggin’ Strips and the cat’s Temptations. I’ve not yet been desperate enough to give those a try, but never say never. *hangs head*

Reflecting on my long history with junk food, I got the bright idea to share a “coming clean” list of confessions. In doing so, I came to the realization that: a) I probably share too much personal information here; and b) a psychologist would have a field day. In any event, here are my junk food True Confessions (don’t judge):

True Confession #1:  I once ate an entire sheet cake all by myself.

In my defense, it was red velvet, which is my favorite, made to perfection by a young lady intent on opening her own bakery. I ordered the cake from her for my youngest daughter’s high school graduation. Only a few people wanted a piece of cake, which left almost the entire thing sitting in the fridge with my name on it. Well, technically, it had my daughter’s name on it, but we share DNA, so close enough. At least I didn’t eat it all in one sitting. But over the course of about five days, that baby was done. Urp.

True Confession #2:  I once cut open an empty potato chip bag to lick it clean.

There’s not much to say about this. I can only hang my head in shame.

True Confession #3:  I used to hide snacks so I wouldn’t have to share with my kids.

Be honest. If you have kids, then you’ve done this too. You know how it goes. You stop at the grocery store for dinner items and walk out with a quarter pound bag of M&Ms. It’s a long a way home, lots of stop lights, and damned if you haven’t had a rough day. And it’s been hours since lunch! So you open the bag. Not to eat a lot of M&Ms. Just enough to get you home, you know? It wouldn’t do to have your blood sugar plummet while driving. Why, that might cause an accident. So you need those M&Ms to get home safely. And once you pull into the driveway, well, that’s when you realize the truth: Your kids don’t need sugary snacks! The dentist said so! What were you thinking? So in the best interests of your offspring you hide the M&Ms. And then, of course, you must eat the M&Ms so they are no longer in the house. A mother must protect her children. Oh, the sacrifice!

True Confession #4:  I ate an entire quarter pound of M&Ms in one sitting.

*sigh* It was an act of love. (See True Confession #3.)

True Confession #5:  If there are no snacks available and I’m desperate to nosh, I become the most creative cook on the planet.

Pantry empty? Fridge bare? Never fear! Just give me a moment to find my cape . . . er, apron . . . and I instantly become—*drumroll*—Snacksamillion Woman, able to leap empty cupboards in a single bound and turn nothing much into a boy-does-it-taste-good-right-now-but-you’ll-hate-yourself-later kind of snack. It’s a talent, really.

Long, long ago in a galaxy far away, and out of desperation on a Friday night, I melted a stick of butter, mixed it with confectioner’s sugar, vanilla extract, rum, added chopped pecans, and divided it into teaspoon-size balls which I stuck in the fridge for thirty minutes. Voila! The hubster had no idea I created it on the fly, and after a couple glasses of merlot those little buttery-sweet-rum things tasted pretty damn good.

In an effort to save myself from myself I’ve sworn off confectioner’s sugar, but as Captain Jack Sparrow might say . . .

True Confession #6: I live by the belief that if each individual piece of popcorn isn’t dripping, then you need more butter. 

Our local movie theater back in Georgia has a condiment station near the food counter where patrons may pump butter onto their own popcorn. Okay, full disclosure: It isn’t real butter. It’s a buttery-like substance. But it tastes like butter. That’s the important thing to remember here. Anyway, yours truly would arrive with a gallon-sized ZipLock baggie—I’m ashamed to say I’m not making any of this up—so I could ensure every bit of popcorn was slathered. We’d order a bag of popcorn and I’d dump half of it into the baggie, pump the faux butter all over it as well as the remaining bagged popcorn, close ’em both up, and shake! Mmm . . . salty, buttery, and delicious. Every. Single. Bite. (I know, I know. Unhealthy. Shhh.)

So now you know my worst junk food confessions. There are more, so many more, but there isn’t a blog post long enough to cover all my transgressions. Still, you may be happy to know that these days I’m much better than I used to be. Most of our snacks are healthy and I rarely invent unhealthy yummies anymore. The hubster is more likely to get a bag of carrots and celery with his Friday night merlot than a junk food snack. A big bag of potato chips is no longer a staple, but a treat. I’m still an eater, but a healthy eater these days.



Most of the time.

Look, now. Nobody’s perfect.

What about you? Perhaps junk food isn’t your thing. Maybe you’re a book-a-holic or a cosmetics junkie. Yes? No? C’mon, buttercup. Tell the Naked Truth and share your True Confession in the comments—it’ll be good for your soul!

Thanks for hanging out with me. See you next week for more of the Naked Truth!

Romance is good for your heart! To purchase your copy of Love Built to Last, Love to Believe, or Love to Win in eBook or print just click the book cover on this blog’s sidebar. Autographed copies are available for purchase on my HOME page. 🙂  The audio versions of Love Built to Last, Love to Believe, and Love to Win are available HERE now!

12 Responses to "6 True Confessions of a Junk Food Junkie"

  1. Comment by Lynne
    March 21, 2018 at 1:10 pm  

    Oh my gosh… I can so relate. Though I didn’t eat a sheet cake, I did consume a pizza, by myself, in one sitting…

    • Comment by Lisa Ricard Claro
      March 21, 2018 at 4:28 pm  

      Oh, pizza! I love pizza. 🙂

  2. Comment by Pat Wahler
    March 21, 2018 at 7:05 pm  

    I have to admit to a few instances where I’ve done the same thing as you have – not the butter, rum, sugar thing (yet), but boy does that sound tempting!

    • Comment by Lisa Ricard Claro
      March 22, 2018 at 11:30 am  

      It’s so good, Pat. But I only did it once!

  3. Comment by Sioux Roslawski
    March 21, 2018 at 8:57 pm  

    My confectioner sugary concoction was usually with cocoa, Rumchata and butter. Yeah, I’ve sworn off that white powdery stuff, too.

    A sheet cake lasted you five days? I’ve eaten more in less days. I think you showed remarkable self-control, making it last that long.

    I’ve eaten a whole jar of Nutella in a couple of sittings. I’m talkin’ ’bout the jumbo jar, not the smaller version.

    I’ve added sugar (confectioners) to sour cream… and eaten it with a spoon.

    I’ve mixed up brownie mix with sour cream–no eggs or oil–and eaten it with a spoon. No baking needed, and no telltale baking pans or left-overs to tattle on me.

    • Comment by Lisa Ricard Claro
      March 22, 2018 at 11:33 am  

      I bow to you, the Master. Everything you described sounds delicious and must-try-worthy. I’ll warn the hubster to ban me from the grocery store for a while lest I give in to temptation and scout the baking aisle for confectionery sugar and brownie mix.

  4. Comment by Linda O'Connell
    March 22, 2018 at 10:08 am  

    Ia m worse than ever. I steal cookies from buffets so I can have a sweet treat in the evening with coffee. I can afford to buy my own supply, but WHY? I have a buffet at my disposal. I can shove a cookie into a napkin and into my purse like a magician. Guilty as charged.

    • Comment by Lisa Ricard Claro
      March 22, 2018 at 11:34 am  

      Haha! You made me think of Sophia on Golden Girls, and you are definitely NOT remotely like that character . . . except in the cookie stealing category. lol

  5. Comment by ButtonsMom2003
    March 22, 2018 at 1:47 pm  

    Responses to your list 🙂
    #1 – not sure I’ve done this but I’ve baked a package of Pillsbury cookies and eaten all of them by myself.

    #2 – OK, you’ve beat me on this one. 🙂

    #3 – No kids here, but I’ve hidden plenty of snack stuff from my hubby – or eaten it all before he got home. Here’s my defense: He likes almost everything, which means if it’s a snack I love, he’ll eat it. On the other hand, he likes lots of snacks I hate but he buys them anyway, which is fine. The problem is he will often go for the snacks I like first and then turn to the ones I won’t eat. Boy does this sound petty – and stupid since we are both more than just a bit overweight – but it’s still true.

    #4 – I love peanut M&M’s so I’m sure I’ve probably done this at some point.

    #5 – Yes! I’ve done similar things but one of the easiest is to just open a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips, which I usually only bake with. I won’t normally eat dark chocolate but if I get a craving and nothing else is available I’ll look to see if I have any of these baking staples.

    #6 – I hope you’re still reading. 🙂 I am in total agreement with you on buttery popcorn, but I have a better suggestion than the plastic bag and right now is the perfect time. Go to Walmart and by one of the plastic buckets they sell for Easter baskets (or wait until after Easter and buy one when they are even cheaper). One of these buckets is the perfect size to hold a medium bag of popcorn at the local theater and on Tuesday it’s only $2.50 – and you pump your own butter. We dump 1/2 of the bag into the bucket and then put butter and salt on it and shake it up. Repeat with the rest of the bag. The bucket is reusable so you’re also helping the environment!

    Well, I never intended to write so much but you inspired me! 🙂 <3

    • Comment by Lisa Ricard Claro
      March 22, 2018 at 2:59 pm  

      It’s amazing what we have in common, isn’t it? lol That plastic container for the popcorn is brilliant. You know what I’m getting on my next trip to Wally World!

  6. Comment by Lynn Obermoeller
    March 28, 2018 at 8:15 pm  

    Thanks to Sioux who brought me ten bags of Brach’s malt balls, that of which I’d eat a whole bag in one sitting. Had the hubby hide them on me and all day long looked every where for them. After I polished off the tenth bag, it was shortly after that I gave up sugar and flour… it’s been 2 1/2 years. I’m not a purest by any stretch as there is a lot of sugar in a lot of things, but if it’s in the first 3 ingredients, I don’t eat it. No candy, cake, cookies, pasta, bread, crackers, etc., and I’m much better off!

    • Comment by Lisa Ricard Claro
      March 31, 2018 at 9:11 am  

      Sugar is addictive! The less of it I eat, the less of it I crave, but I can’t imagine giving it up altogether! I like my red velvet cake a little too much, I guess. And I recently discovered these lemon bars at Detweiler’s here in Venice that are to die for. Which means, of course, that I cannot have them in my pantry! But what a lovely once-in-a-while treat. 🙂

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