Lisa Ricard Claro – Author

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Butter Lovers (not so) Anonymous

Posted on Jul 12, 2010 by Lisa Ricard Claro   11 Comments | Posted in butter · daughter · movie · popcorn

My name is Lisa, and I’m a butter-a-holic.

There is no reforming me as I admit my vice with no remorse and only scant shame.  Over the years I have slathered butter on everything from Pop Tarts to ham sandwiches, doughnuts to pizza crust.  I have even put butter on steak and used it as a dip for pretzels. Yum.  Haven’t tried it with ice cream, but I bet if mixed up just right it would taste heavenly.

Don’t worry. I don’t eat like that all the time. I temper my butter consumption with a rabid fear of acquiring thunder thighs and a rotund rumpus.  Also, I can’t afford a whole new wardrobe, so if my derriere exceeds my size 6 Levi’s I’m in big trouble.  This is motivation to keep my butter loving ways in check, but occasionally I go on a bender.

Last Thursday was one of those days. I took my youngest to the movies and treated myself to buttered popcorn. I usually don’t buy popcorn at the movies, because if I don’t have to rescue the kernels from drowning there isn’t enough butter in the bag. I don’t know how many Weight Watcher points comprise a bag of popcorn after it has been Lisatized, but the number would render me unconscious, so avoidance is my usual action. Not Thursday.

My young ‘un and I moseyed from the snack counter to the condiment bar where “butter flavored popcorn oil” is available, “butter” being the operative word. My daughter had a large Icee and a bag of Sno-Caps, but she knows the drill so stopped with me while I prepared my popped corn.

“What are you going to do with that?” She asked when I pulled a gallon size zip-up freezer bag from my purse.

“Behold, buttercup,” said I.

I dumped half the bagged popcorn into the plastic bag and then buttered the bejeepers out of both bags, stopping to add salt and shake up the two bags to distribute the yellow delight evenly.  I dumped the popcorn from the paper bag into the clear plastic bag, added more buttery stuff for good measure, zipped it up tight and gave it another good shake.


“Uh, I’m going in to find us a seat,” she said, backing away. “This is embarrassing.”

“What? I just want my popcorn evenly buttered.”

“What a great idea!” A woman behind me declared. “I hate when you get halfway into the bag and the popcorn isn’t buttered.  This idea is a keeper! I love buttered popcorn. Love. It.  I am so going to do this next time.”

Clearly, this woman possessed great insight and taste, and I beamed at her.  It isn’t often I meet a fellow butter lover of such grand proportions.

Since my Thursday binge I’ve dodged the scale and ignored the butter dish. I’ll be good for a few months and then, heaven help me, I’ll fall off the wagon again. I could try to act guilty about it, but that’s hard to pull off when I’m doing the shake-up-the-butter-and-popcorn dance.

Til next time, buttercup –
Lisa 

Clip art courtesy of hasslefreeclipart.com.

11 Responses to "Butter Lovers (not so) Anonymous"

  1. Comment by Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy
    July 12, 2010 at 9:57 pm  

    Right on, Lisa. I love butter too, and I use it a lot. (I outgrew my size 6 jeans after my first divorce, so I don't worry about the butter effect too much.) I wonder about the cholesterol sometimes though.Also, I love Ziplock bags, and you just showed me another use for them. Great idea. Glad to hear that the "Concession Cops" left you alone on this one. :>)

  2. Comment by Lisa Ricard Claro
    July 12, 2010 at 10:09 pm  

    Oy! There are "Concession Cops"? I'll be on the look out for them next time. Guess I'll have to morph into Mission Impossible mode before I hit the theater!

  3. Comment by Lynn
    July 13, 2010 at 3:00 pm  

    Ah butter, I do love it too and that's why I'm not a size 6. Nothing like butter. And you are funny – I could see my daughter saying the same thing, "This is embarrassing." Ha!

  4. Comment by Karen Lange
    July 13, 2010 at 3:19 pm  

    You are a genius. Will have to remember that, and then of course, double up on my walking regimen…

  5. Comment by Lisa Ricard Claro
    July 13, 2010 at 9:40 pm  

    Hi Lynn – The buttered popcorn was great, but…embarrassing my 16-year-old? Priceless! :DHi Karen – I thought it was pretty clever, but that was before I knew there is such a thing as Concession Cops. Yikes!

  6. Comment by Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy
    July 13, 2010 at 10:21 pm  

    You don't know about Concession Cops? Georgia must be a nice pleasant place to live. Out here in Oregon they search your purse for pop and candy when you go to the movies. They are ruthless … you give some people a little power and WATCH OUT!!!

  7. Comment by Lisa Ricard Claro
    July 14, 2010 at 12:41 pm  

    Holy buttered biscuits, Batman! Would they really blast me for bringing my own baggie or using too much of their self-serve buttery stuff? They really search your purse??!! Yikes!

  8. Comment by anita
    July 14, 2010 at 5:10 pm  

    I'm a butter fanatic too. My favorite dessert is pound cake — not the light kind — the butterier the better! And on waffles, forget maple syrup, I just put lots of butter.

  9. Comment by Lisa Ricard Claro
    July 15, 2010 at 1:35 pm  

    Oooh! Pound cake! My grandmother used to serve it sliced and soaked in heavy cream. *sigh* My arteries are screaming just thinking about it, but man was it ever yummy!

  10. Comment by Linda O'Connell
    July 18, 2010 at 4:05 pm  

    Lisa,I wasn't a size six when I was six! I too am a butter lover, plus I love your blog! Send this ziploc bag tip to one of the women's magazines. Could get you a nice little stipend, enough for another movie and more popcorn.

  11. Comment by Lisa Ricard Claro
    July 18, 2010 at 7:01 pm  

    Thanks, Linda! What a great idea. I'll put that on my to-do list for this week and if it works out I'll let you know.


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