Lisa Ricard Claro – Author

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Inbraceration: Scared Straight

Posted on Jan 28, 2011 by Lisa Ricard Claro   17 Comments | Posted in braces · inbraceration · orthodontist
Clip art courtesy of

Inbraceration (noun): 1. To imprison the teeth with ouch-inspiring braces. 2. The period of time during which stinky old braces must be worn. Example: “I must wear these dangblasted things for a year-and-a-half.”

Yesterday I visited the orthodontist for the first time since the onset of my dreaded inbraceration (the word I coined to describe my oral imprisonment). My sentence is eighteen months, after which my teeth will have been scared straight. I use the term “scared” because I know now that having my orthodontia adjusted hurts like a **%#@&%**, and I will henceforth be terrified of visits to The Chair.

When the old wire came out I thought, “Ha. This isn’t so bad.” Then the doc snapped in the new wire (read: wire the size of a ski lift cable) and I bolted upright in The Chair and howled like a snake-bit coyote, certain my teeth were being extracted from my head with a rusty crowbar. I frightened the staff and cleared the waiting room.

Inbraceration is daunting, especially for an old bagger like myself. Consider, if you will, that it has been years (okay, decades) since I could claim steel anything. I finally have steel something, and it isn’t abs or buns. It is a brutal wire strung through ceramic brackets glued to my teeth, scaring them straight every minute of every day, a relentless sentence of constant inbraceration.

Okay, so maybe I’m being a little melodramatic. Maybe. But when my eighteen months is over I will celebrate my freed teeth with every fiber of my being. I will stand tall, knowing that I paid the price and did my time.

Inbraceration.  It ain’t for sissies.

Til next time –

17 Responses to "Inbraceration: Scared Straight"

  1. Comment by Tammy
    January 28, 2011 at 8:40 pm  

    I'm so sorry to hear you're trapped behind bars, but I must say it becomes you. Very, very clever post that I thoroughly enjoyed!

  2. Comment by Sally
    January 28, 2011 at 8:56 pm  

    I don't know, from personal experience, what braces feel like but I've had many friends share their similar feelings. In 18 months your brace free smile will dim these moments. Good luck.

  3. Comment by Karen Lange
    January 28, 2011 at 9:57 pm  

    I admire the character you are building…:o)Happy weekend, or try anyway,Karen

  4. Comment by Sioux Roslawski
    January 28, 2011 at 10:02 pm  

    Who knew that you could make a visit to the orthodonist engaging and funny…What will you focus your sharp wit on next? A mammogram? An eyebrow waxing?

  5. Comment by Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy
    January 29, 2011 at 12:35 am  

    Oh Lisa,Ouch!!!! I've never had them. My kids did, and my Mom did, in her 40's. I don't know what to say, except I'm sorry that it hurts so much. I know about the phrase "no pain, no gain", but still! The only good thing is that time flies as we get older, so they will be off before you know it…but we all still remember being in labor, so ……:>)

  6. Comment by Linda O'Connell
    January 29, 2011 at 12:48 am  

    Tin grins are in! Smile. You have a way of telling a story 🙂

  7. Comment by Dominic de Mattos
    January 29, 2011 at 7:24 am  

    … I rest my case, your honour. There is a reason why sissy brits have bad teeth!They say "no pain – no gain". I say "No pain – sounds good to me"!Are you making chalk marks on the walls each day?Can I enter your post in my "No Fear" blogfest today?!:Dom

  8. Comment by Debra Mayhew
    January 29, 2011 at 1:15 pm  

    Lisa, you're a better woman than I am! Hang in there! I hate your pain, but love your posts. This was funny!

  9. Comment by Francine Howarth
    January 29, 2011 at 3:28 pm  

    Hi,OUCH!! OMG, I'd have done a runner.Oooh,very brave.bestF

  10. Comment by Myne Whitman
    January 29, 2011 at 3:38 pm  

    Now you've scared me, I was thinking of getting braces before now, lol…

  11. Comment by Lynn
    January 29, 2011 at 4:15 pm  

    Lisa, you are so funny. I say that all the time. I'm so original! Hope you're not feeling the pain much.

  12. Comment by tanyavalentine
    January 29, 2011 at 4:54 pm  

    It seems as I get older, time goes by faster. So, since you are "almost* as old as me, your 18 months will fly by. Stay strong and we will celebrate with laffy taffy when you are free!

  13. Comment by Margo Benson
    January 29, 2011 at 5:07 pm  

    I'm laughing! Brief and so funny, true and brave.I've spent way too long playing with the black cat!

  14. Comment by Tony Benson
    January 29, 2011 at 5:53 pm  

    Oh, what fun. Not the imbraceration, but your writing. well written and funny. I notice the cat purrs if you scratch it's tummy. A bit like our cats.

  15. Comment by Madeleine
    January 30, 2011 at 10:02 am  

    Loved your vivid descriptions. I could feel the snap of those braces (I wore some in my teens) I loved the idea of the waiting room clearing made me ROFL! :O)

  16. Comment by Ms.Daisy
    January 31, 2011 at 12:40 am  

    You are so brave! My older daughter had braces for just about as long…and I can remember how painful she said they were. When the braces came off, though, we knew it had been worth it! ~Jean

  17. Comment by Laraine Eddington
    January 31, 2011 at 11:54 pm  

    I bet they make you look 10 years younger, braces always do. I feel your pain.

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