Lisa Ricard Claro – Author

Romance is good for your heart!

Microfiction: Asses and Assets

Posted on Aug 8, 2011 by Lisa Ricard Claro   32 Comments | Posted in Grandma's Goulash · hair · microfiction

Good Monday morning to everyone!

Today is the first day of school here in Georgia, and my youngest daughter is a senior this year. How did that happen? Just yesterday she started kindergarten and I was not an old bagger. Today she embarks on her final year of high school and I am, well. . .yeah, an old bagger. *sigh* I know I’m an old bagger for reasons that revolve around general female wackiness and the laws of gravity, i.e. extreme chocolate cravings and bathing suit phobia.

And another thing: Hair.

Yes, buttercup, hair. I’m not talking about silver at the roots and the fact that the Walgreen’s clerk who sneaks me L’Oreal Preference coupons is my new best friend. I’m talking curls! They’re back! How did that happen?

When I turned 40 my straight hair went curly on me, like I’d just had a perm. I embraced the curls, figured out what to do with them, and wore it au naturale for about five years. And then my hair went straight again.

“Ha, ha!” It said. “We hair follicles laugh at your silly efforts to tame us!”

Straight, for five years. Now–bam!–curl city again. **WTF?  I’m suddenly back to being a hair product junkie, hunting for the perfect blend of gel, mousse and cream to keep my curls from poofing into a Phyllis Diller do.

I actually think I’ve figured out the best hair goop combo (curls that stay put but stay soft, not crunchy or sticky), and I’m liking my curls again (the secret is my husband’s old tee-shirt—that’s a story all by itself, and unless you have naturally curly hair, you don’t want to hear it), but for those days when my loops,waves and spirals rebel, I pull out the big guns: the straightening iron. Ha! That’ll teach the little buggers.

Okay, I’ve finished my rant, and you now know more about my hair than you ever thought possible. As a reward for your patience, I’m heading you into microfiction territory.
Grandma’s Goulash graciously hosts Succinctly Yours, the wonderful meme for those of us addicted to microfiction. The trick is to write a story in 140 characters or less using the photo below as inspiration. To add to the challenge is the word of the week, “oblivious.”  My stories are below.

“Love them big beads,” Hal leered. 
Fay acted oblivious, but thought:  
Ready for Rhett, but stuck with a clown on a bike. 
Story of my life! 
(139 characters)
“Where’d you stash the loot, Marge?” He whispered. 
“Don’t you worry, hon. This hoop skirt is good for something 
besides hiding my assets!” 
(138 characters)
Thanks for visiting. I hope I’ve helped bring you a Monday smile.  See you Wednesday for the naked truth about. . .something!
**WTF (What the Follicle!)  You thought something else? Hey, this is a G-rated blog!

32 Responses to "Microfiction: Asses and Assets"

  1. Comment by Madeleine
    August 8, 2011 at 5:20 am  

    ROFL! Loved both micros. My mum suddenly got frizzy hair. She has to use Frizz-ease to make it less so. :O)

  2. Comment by Linda O'Connell
    August 8, 2011 at 6:34 am  

    I would give anything for a bit of curl. I used to perm, now I color. Tame the mane? Not mine.Enjoyed your memes. You have such an imagination.

  3. Comment by Elaine
    August 8, 2011 at 6:41 am  

    Excellent! I love both your 'stories'.

  4. Comment by 5thsister
    August 8, 2011 at 7:37 am  

    I hear you about the hair! Cute micros…always love it when a post makes me chuckle out loud!

  5. Comment by liberal sprinkles
    August 8, 2011 at 7:41 am  

    Thanks for the Monday laughs. I had fun reading this post!

  6. Comment by Sarah
    August 8, 2011 at 7:47 am  

    These are both hilarious, though the first is also quite poignant. Excellent job. And, as for curls, that's a problem I've never had, and have always wanted (fine, flat, pin straight hair my ENTIRE life).

  7. Comment by Bookie
    August 8, 2011 at 8:19 am  

    You are so sharp this morning! Like both your pieces, but the first one made me laugh outloud…a perfect start to my Monday!

  8. Comment by BECKY
    August 8, 2011 at 10:04 am  

    Loved them both, as usual, m'dear!! AND don't get me started on hair! Mine has always been like Sarah, in the comment before Bookie's. Fine, Flat, Pin Straight…yuck! (actually that's how my BODY USED to look, in my twenties!!)

  9. Comment by Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy
    August 8, 2011 at 10:08 am  

    Wow, Lisa, how did you luck out anyway? I seriously doubt that I will ever get blessed with spontaneously curly hair. You did surprise me with the wtf, lol!You did make me smile with your stories too.Have a great week,Kathy M.

  10. Comment by Bish Denham
    August 8, 2011 at 10:15 am  

    Straight to curly? I did know hair could do that. I gave up on my hair long ago. It's long, it's straight and that's that.I LOVE your microfiction

  11. Comment by Pat
    August 8, 2011 at 10:37 am  

    I have finally resorted to a flat-iron for my wavy hair, too.Loved both of your SY contributions and again, as usual, I really did laugh out loud. …"them big beads…"! You are hilarious!

  12. Comment by Laraine Eddington
    August 8, 2011 at 10:48 am  

    My diagnosis is bipolar hair. There is no cure, only treatment, and it sounds like you've got that under control.What the follicle is my new favorite phrase.

  13. Comment by Nature Lover
    August 8, 2011 at 11:08 am  

    I wouldn't complain about any type of hair, I'd just be happy if I had some. :DAwesome mf's. Having watched a couple of documentaries on shoplifting, I find your second quite believable.

  14. Comment by SparkleFarkle
    August 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm  

    Your Succinctly Yours entry is a riot! (And gives a whole new meaning (and dimension) to the words "pop beads"!)Thanks for the laughs!SparkleFarkle~~~~~*P.S. I can relate: my hair follicles have been laughing at me for years.

  15. Comment by Sonia Lal
    August 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm  

    I didn't know hair could do that. Really like both micros. Especially the second one. LOL

  16. Comment by irishoma
    August 8, 2011 at 4:52 pm  

    Who knew curly hair is back in style? Now if white hair ever is in vogue, I'm all over that.And both of your stories are hilarious!

  17. Comment by Pooch
    August 8, 2011 at 8:17 pm  

    Quite creative in your interpretation!:)

  18. Comment by June Freaking Cleaver
    August 8, 2011 at 9:03 pm  

    I can't decide which story I like better – the lecherous one, or the devious one…great job!

  19. Comment by SJerZGirl
    August 8, 2011 at 10:54 pm  

    Well done!! Love that she keeps her "assets" under wraps!!

  20. Comment by Jim
    August 8, 2011 at 11:22 pm  

    But what does she think of HIS big beads?I thought only shoplifters held stuff in their hoop skirts. But I never looked so I can't argue about that. :)..BTW, I was 40 when our youngest was born. ..

  21. Comment by Debra Mayhew
    August 9, 2011 at 7:44 am  

    Would you hate it if I said I wish my hair would go curly? 🙂 You're one of those people whose hair looks good – all the time. It'd be annoying if you weren't so genuinely nice and easy to like! As always, loved your microfiction!

  22. Comment by Lisa Ricard Claro
    August 9, 2011 at 3:07 pm  

    Thank you to everyone! I appreciate your time and your comments.

  23. Comment by anthonynorth
    August 9, 2011 at 5:19 pm  

    Fun micros. Enjoyed them.

  24. Comment by Cathy C. Hall
    August 9, 2011 at 11:33 pm  

    I've only seen your curly hair once–and loved it. Not everyone can carry off both looks. Or HAVE both looks, for that matter. 🙂

  25. Comment by Pooch
    August 10, 2011 at 12:17 am  

    Cute one about waiting for Rhett!! LOL!:)

  26. Comment by Susan
    August 10, 2011 at 1:00 am  

    Wow, you guys start school early. We go the end of the month… And I laughed out loud after reading your aging worries. I'm there too-after the new cut with all the layers, my normally slightly wavy hair is now frizzy. I look like I've been walking around in a wind tunnel and the air is perfectly still!And you are the master of funny with the microfiction Lisa! LOL!

  27. Comment by K9friend
    August 10, 2011 at 8:08 am  

    Everything from my hair to my toes has turned against me. Ah, the joys of senior citizenship!

  28. Comment by Karen Lange
    August 10, 2011 at 3:43 pm  

    Enjoyed your stories! 🙂

  29. Comment by Lynn
    August 10, 2011 at 5:14 pm  

    Microfiction Queen with Curls!

  30. Comment by Tammy
    August 10, 2011 at 7:45 pm  

    Love the clever microfiction offerings as always!!! And the hair story made me LOL. Mine is truly bipolar these days as it's straight in places and curly in others. Truly a challenge!

  31. Comment by Akelamalu
    August 11, 2011 at 2:01 pm  

    Two great takes on the pic Lisa!

  32. Comment by Lisa Ricard Claro
    August 13, 2011 at 8:10 am  

    Thanks everyone, for commenting!

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