Sea of Forgetfulness
My mama is on my mind daily, especially now that Mother’s Day has a foot in the door. I miss my mom and talk to her all the time about everything. It isn’t the same as actually having her here, but I like to think she looks in on me from time to time and listens as well now as she did before God relocated her to His place.
Today I recalled an incident from my teen years. Prom loomed, and Mama agreed to take me dress shopping. We picked the night we would go, but when she arrived home from work she was beat. She apologized and promised to take me the next day. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. I was so angry with Mama for letting me down that I mouthed off, something I rarely did, and stormed out of the house to walk off my mad.
Why I didn’t get my butt grounded I’ll never know. My anger simmered for a day or so. The shopping trip occurred but I tarnished the excursion with my bad attitude, and have regretted it ever since.
A few months before Mama died she came to visit. We sipped wine and chatted on my back deck one evening and I thought of that incident. As an adult, I understand coming home exhausted after a long day at the office and needing to put off what would most certainly be an hours long shopping trip.
“My behavior that night has haunted me,” I confessed. “I made you feel awful for disappointing me, and I should have been nicer and more understanding. If it is any consolation, I empathize now, and I hope you will forgive me.”
“Snowflake,” she said, “I don’t remember that. In fact, I cannot remember a moment when you brought me anything but joy.”
We mothers have the ability to toss the bad from our hearts and embrace the good, much as we acknowledge the pain of childbirth even as we minimize it in the glow of our love for our children. That heartaches fade while blessings multiply is one of God’s great gifts to mothers.
I still feel guilty about that incident, even though Mama forgave and forgot. Were she with me now I imagine she would tell me to get over it already. Life is too short, she would say, to do anything but love.
Happy Mother’s Day –